Spending time with your children should not be a battleNovember 24, 2017
Amanda Adeola a solicitor in the Macks Famiy team offers some practical advice on arrangements for children when parents separate.
Time and time again we deal with children being caught in the midst of their parent’s separation/divorce and often their feelings and wishes are ignored. It is accepted that generally a break up of a relationship is traumatic and means a lot of changes for everyone involved. The question is, what will be the impact of such changes on children and how can such changes be managed to ensure the least impact as possible on children?
It is well recognised that the impact on children of parents separating can be enormous. This can cause long terms problems if such separation is not handled sensitively and constructively, and if both parents don’t prioritise the childrens’ welfare.
Whilst there may have to be a change of home and a change of routine as the children spend time with each parent, there should be no change in how the children view both parents and each parents’ commitment to ensuring that the children live a stable and secure life.
Your children should not have to choose who they love most and they should not have to make arrangements to spend time with each of you themselves. As the adults involved, you should make plans around your children. Sit down and agree arrangements for them. Discuss when they will spend time with each parent and practical arrangements like school runs, ensuring their home work is done when they are in each parent’s care and following the same routine as far as possible in each parent’s home. Make sure the children know when they are going to see the other parent and that they go to see the other parent with your full blessing and support. In particular, try and make the transition between the two households as smooth as possible.
Do not over compensate i.e. allowing the children to do whatever they want when they are spending time with you when you know that this is not allowed at the other parent’s home. Despite your separation, you have to try to show a united front for your children. Do not make them choose.
The overriding objective is to let your children know that they have two parents who love them dearly and although things have not worked out the way you originally envisaged, this is not their fault and your love, support and the care you provide to them will never change. Your relationship with your former partner/ spouse may have come to an end, but your role as a parent, never will.
We will guide you through your separation/divorce and will assist you in dealing with child arrangement matters. We will discuss various process options with you and work to achieve what is best for you and your family.
Our family team at Macks will be happy to help and discuss matters with you, simply give us a call on 01325 387971.