As a family lawyer who specialises in children matters, I deal with a variety of cases and have seen first hand how emotions run high when a relationship breaks down.

When this happens, people often forget about the children, blame each other for what has happened and the children become a pawn in warfare between the parents. However difficult it is, this should not be the case and the welfare of the children must be at the forefront of the parties minds.

Parents need to ask themselves, how do we tell the children? (If they at the appropriate age), how will they deal with it? How can we make the transition as easy for them as possible?

Remember, it is not about the adults involved and it is not the children’s fault that things have not worked out, so do not let them feel like they have to choose sides or indeed feel stuck in the middle.

Talk to your children together, explain why you are going your separate ways and make sure they understand that even if Mum and Dad are no longer going to be living together, it doesn’t change the way they feel about the children.

If appropriate, involve them in decision making but remember what is really helpful, is if the children can see that Mum and Dad have agreed the arrangements and you can present a united front. Children are very perceptive and when they are feeling vulnerable and emotional they will frequently play one parent off against the other. If it is clear both parents agree, there will be less scope for this and hopefully this will provide a much more stable and secure environment for the children going forward. If your children are old enough and you feel that they need someone to talk to, to express their feelings, there is now a new website which has been created to help children coping with their parents separation. www.kidsinthemiddle.org.uk is a charity run website and your children can speak to a peer mentor of their age or even become a peer mentor themselves. It is a free service and is worth looking at as a parent to get a child’s perspective on separation.

If you have recently separated and you want some advice about separation and children, please contact our specialist family team at Macks and we will be happy to help and explain your options to you.

Remember, your children are the main priority #putthechildrenfirst.