Christmas is often a time for family traditions, spending time together and making memories. But when parents are separated, deciding who spends Christmas with the children can bring some difficult conversations.

Who will have the children on Christmas morning? Will they spend Boxing Day with the other parent? What happens if both parents want to wake up with their children on Christmas Day?

For many separated families, agreeing on Christmas child contact arrangements isn’t always straightforward. Different expectations, existing arrangements and family commitments can make it difficult to find a solution that everyone is happy with.

The most important thing is to find an arrangement that puts your children’s needs first and allows them to enjoy Christmas with both sides of their family, wherever possible.

So, what happens if you and your child’s other parent cannot agree?

How Do Christmas Child Contact Arrangements Work?

There is no set rule about where children should spend Christmas when their parents are separated. Every family is different, and arrangements should reflect what works best for the children.

Some parents choose to alternate Christmas Day each year, so the children spend one Christmas with one parent and the following year with the other.

Others prefer to divide the festive period, allowing children to spend Christmas morning with one parent and the afternoon or Boxing Day with the other.

You might also agree to have the children for Christmas Day one year and spend New Year’s Eve or another part of the school holidays with them instead.

When making Christmas contact arrangements, it is worth thinking about:

• Your children’s ages and routines: Consider what will be easiest and most comfortable for them.
• Travel arrangements: Think about how far apart you live and whether travelling between homes on Christmas Day is practical.
• Family traditions: Children may want to spend time with grandparents, siblings and other relatives on both sides of the family.
• Existing arrangements: Consider how Christmas fits around your usual contact schedule and any school holiday agreements.
• Your children’s wishes: Depending on their age and understanding, their feelings should be listened to and considered.

There is no need for Christmas to become a competition over who gets the most time. A little flexibility and planning can go a long way towards making the festive period enjoyable for everyone.

What If You Cannot Agree on Who Has the Children at Christmas?

It can be upsetting when you and your child’s other parent have very different ideas about how Christmas should work.

You may both feel strongly about spending Christmas morning with your children or disagree about how much time they should spend with each parent.

If conversations are becoming difficult, try to keep communication focused on practical arrangements and what is best for the children. Agreeing arrangements early can also help avoid unnecessary stress as Christmas approaches.

If you are still unable to reach an agreement, there are options available.

1. Try Family Mediation

Family mediation can help separated parents work through disagreements with the support of an independent, trained mediator.

Rather than taking sides, the mediator helps both parents communicate, explore possible solutions and work towards an agreement.

This can be particularly helpful when discussions about Christmas contact have become difficult or communication has broken down.

In most cases, parents must attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) before making an application to the family court for a Child Arrangements Order, unless an exemption applies.

2. Consider a Child Arrangements Order

If you cannot agree on Christmas contact arrangements through discussion or mediation, you may need to consider applying to the family court for a Child Arrangements Order.

A Child Arrangements Order sets out who a child lives with and when they spend time with the other parent. It can include specific arrangements for Christmas, birthdays, school holidays and other important occasions.

The court’s main consideration will always be the child’s welfare. It will look at the individual circumstances of the family and decide what arrangements are in the child’s best interests.

Seeking legal advice can help you understand whether a court application is appropriate and what the process involves.

What If You Already Have a Child Arrangements Order?

If a court order is already in place, it is important to check exactly what it says about Christmas and school holiday contact.

Some orders specifically set out who the children should spend Christmas Day with, while others may cover contact more generally.

If the order does not include separate Christmas arrangements, you can still agree something different between yourselves. Parents can make alternative arrangements by mutual agreement, but if you cannot agree, you should seek legal advice before making changes.

Ignoring an existing court order can lead to further difficulties, so it is important to understand your responsibilities.

Can Children Choose Who They Spend Christmas With?

Children may have their own feelings about where they would like to spend Christmas, particularly as they get older.

Their wishes and feelings should be listened to, but there is no automatic age at which a child gets to decide which parent they spend Christmas with.

If an arrangement is being decided by the family court, the child’s wishes and feelings will be considered in light of their age and understanding, alongside other factors affecting their welfare.

It is important that children do not feel pressured to choose between their parents or become involved in disagreements about contact.

Planning Ahead Can Make Christmas Easier

For separated parents, Christmas may look a little different from previous years, but that does not mean it cannot be a happy and enjoyable time for children.

Try to discuss arrangements early, be realistic about what is practical and remember that flexibility can make a big difference.

If you are struggling to reach an agreement, getting advice sooner rather than later can help you understand your options before the festive period arrives.

How Can Macks Help with Christmas Child Contact Arrangements?

If you are separated from your child’s other parent and are struggling to agree on Christmas contact, you do not have to work through the situation alone.

Our Family team can provide advice and guidance on child contact arrangements, family mediation and Child Arrangements Orders. We can help you understand your options and take the next steps towards resolving disagreements.

Call us on 01642 843 671 or use our online contact form to get started. We’ll listen, explain your options, and help you move forward with confidence.